There is more to this life!

When I saw this post on Instagram I realized I had come full circle in my understanding of parenting. I've been married 13 years and have had children in my life for 10.5 years.  One of the distinct memories I have after getting married and I had had my first daughter, I told my husband I had no interest in being the disciplinary parent in our home. He was going to have to be in charge.  No, I don't exactly remember the look on his face but I remember he said that that was not how it went.  Why would I have said that? I was afraid of what my parenting skills would be. You see, I lived in a home that desired a healthy space but ended up being a war zone. What I remember I desired to have no part in being what was modeled for me but you see this was already a good move on my part. If you look at the graphic above, one of the things I was afraid of doing was lacking control in a situation. How was I going to respond to my child who was angry? Was I going to be reaction

Last night I learned that I have not properly grieved things in my life. I have been quick you extend forgiveness and forget but then realize that grieving is another complete different process. What do I mean by this? It's been a long process to figure out what type of relationship to have with my own father. My father has been such different things to me over the last 43 years. I saw him as a hard worker but he was always tired and absent. I saw him as a weak man who couldn't stand up to his parents. I saw him as a hurt child struck in an adult body.  I didn't know he was bipolar until I was an adult. I heard my mother share that he suffered from depression but didn't realize how much changed her and what she battled throughout her marriage living with a bipolar spouse. See noone tells you that enduring and living life with someone who has PTSD will change everyone around them. I saw my father sent to a mental and health center with my mother hoping he would get bette

One of the current things I tell people is that I wish I were stuck back in pandemic. I get interesting looks but what people don't realize is that for someone that's lived such a high stress life, being forced to stay at home and not do anything in society was just the thing for me. Resilience. While everyone was going a little crazy, I had an opportunity to really enjoy time with my family and time for myself. I've never been a person to sit still. I learned to always be busy and to always be productive. When the first few months of pandemic hit I was a little antsy. There news made us paranoid and so we finally made a decision to really cut ties with media. We focused on being outdoors and getting exercise. I decided to join a health program because I had started feeling really down about my current state of health in September of 2019. The program called my name because it seemed to focus on something other than the food: mindset. One thing I've learned about myself