Do not be afraid to parent
When I saw this post on Instagram I realized I had come full circle in my understanding of parenting. I've been married 13 years and have had children in my life for 10.5 years.
One of the distinct memories I have after getting married and I had had my first daughter, I told my husband I had no interest in being the disciplinary parent in our home. He was going to have to be in charge. No, I don't exactly remember the look on his face but I remember he said that that was not how it went.
Why would I have said that? I was afraid of what my parenting skills would be. You see, I lived in a home that desired a healthy space but ended up being a war zone.
What I remember I desired to have no part in being what was modeled for me but you see this was already a good move on my part. If you look at the graphic above, one of the things I was afraid of doing was lacking control in a situation. How was I going to respond to my child who was angry? Was I going to be reactionary? Was I going to displace anger? I wasn't sure but I was really to escape it all.
You see we all mirror what we learned in our homes. No matter how much we want to stifle it trying to control our emotions or place them in a box doesn't solve any problems.
In fact, what I am seeing around me are parents not even parenting. Somehow it's innate in couples to not REPEAT what their parents did but instead of learning or talking, one parent takes control leaving the other spouse to be a louse.
Or, the other scenario is passive parenting. Parent's make excuses for their children's behavior instead of correcting in a loving manner.
In Proverbs 13:24 it says:
but what does discipline look like?
It surely doesn't look like a child screaming at their parent and the parent allowing the child to disrespect them in public. It hurts me to see such behavior being ignored as though the parent needs to be punished for sins of their youth.
No parent should allow any child to scream in their face even with the simplest of direction. Instead each new parent has a chance to parent in a different way than they were brought up.
But what does that look like? If you don't ask for help or even talk it out with your husband, there really is no way of changing or stopping the cycle of whatever dysfunction or unhealthy behaviors that parents don't want to repeat.
If you grew up in a Christian home, perhaps grown kids have left the faith because they feel like not enough love was given to children. Not enough of an example was given for children to want to grow up in the faith or even in the church.
One to note is that as Christians, parents aren't perfect. Here's what Hebrews says:
It was not perfect and it was messy but I know that my mother really tried her best abd even so, I know that it requires WORK to break the cycle of being different.
Bringing up my girls has been work but good work with my husband in order to share the best to our kids but even then when the worst comes out, we ask forgiveness as broken and sinful people who tend to go our own ways.
Praying for myself, my husband and my children to my Lord to help us create a healthier, peaceful and loving environment instead of living in FEAR of repeating what we grew up with.
I'm telling you that it's possible only when you start facing your own self and your goals and desires for your own family. You and your husband. Together.
Do the kids run the household or do you as parents, who have been entrusted by our Lord and Savior, raise these children in the fear and admonition of the Lord so that when they are disciplined by the Lord as young teens and adults, they know that they were brought up to live this life differently and not for themselves.
May God be the glory.
Comments
Post a Comment