There is more to this life!

When I saw this post on Instagram I realized I had come full circle in my understanding of parenting. I've been married 13 years and have had children in my life for 10.5 years.  One of the distinct memories I have after getting married and I had had my first daughter, I told my husband I had no interest in being the disciplinary parent in our home. He was going to have to be in charge.  No, I don't exactly remember the look on his face but I remember he said that that was not how it went.  Why would I have said that? I was afraid of what my parenting skills would be. You see, I lived in a home that desired a healthy space but ended up being a war zone. What I remember I desired to have no part in being what was modeled for me but you see this was already a good move on my part. If you look at the graphic above, one of the things I was afraid of doing was lacking control in a situation. How was I going to respond to my child who was angry? Was I going to be reaction

Last night I learned that I have not properly grieved things in my life. I have been quick you extend forgiveness and forget but then realize that grieving is another complete different process. What do I mean by this? It's been a long process to figure out what type of relationship to have with my own father. My father has been such different things to me over the last 43 years. I saw him as a hard worker but he was always tired and absent. I saw him as a weak man who couldn't stand up to his parents. I saw him as a hurt child struck in an adult body.  I didn't know he was bipolar until I was an adult. I heard my mother share that he suffered from depression but didn't realize how much changed her and what she battled throughout her marriage living with a bipolar spouse. See noone tells you that enduring and living life with someone who has PTSD will change everyone around them. I saw my father sent to a mental and health center with my mother hoping he would get bette